Filmsane

Hi Sex And The City Fans. Yes, You’ve guessed it. Like much of the Millennials/90’s kids/future feminists out there, i myself was obsessed with Sex And The City growing up. So much so that my mom forbade me to watch the cult HBO show, and i had to sneak in late at night and watch the re-runs. But besides being a Sex And The City fan, a was Carrie Bradshaw fan. I loved her attitude, character, her fashion style and especially her job. Like the character itself, i also majored in journalism and still work as a journalist to this very day. I may not be a sex expert and sex columnist, but i’m a working journalist and film critic… sooo yeah.. Take that! I also loved the humor of the 4 characters, the NY setting and of course the dirty raunchy sex talk. I longed for such brunch time activity with my girlfriends, but hey… I’m not really Carrie right?

So, in honor of the 20th anniversary of the airing of the Sex And The City pilot episode, i want to discuss one aspect of the show that was misleading, and basically a down right false. No, not the rent-controlled apartment and Manolo’s that Carrie had with the modest columnist salary. No, not the games, manipulation and drama that you need to bring into the relationship in order to make that relationship work. Not even the free time that all of the 4 women had on a daily basis to chat, shop, drink cocktails…. NO…

I’m talking about the biggest lie that Sex And The City told me back in the late 90’s and early 00’s.

That it’s great to be single. 

Look, i was raised to be an independent feminist. I was raised to be self-sufficient and not to take crap from the men around me. And from what i witnessed growing up (from my parent’s broken marriage), i vowed to learn from my parent’s mistakes and not repeat the history. I vowed to stay single until i find the right man. And i did. I did found him, and he’s amazing. But the time i spent with the relationship status single was the most depressing and solitary time in my adult life. And this is coming from the biggest introvert out there – trust me. It’s not great…

So, i rationalized my fear of ending up with a broken relationship (like the one i watched all my life) with the crap that Sex And The City was selling me. I don’t need a man to fulfill me, or define me. I don’t need a soulmate cause they all live in the Duane Reade greeting card isles, and finding one is nearly impossible. Well, that narrative was not helping me with my issues, self-esteem and certainly not helping me with my love life. And it wasn’t true.

But the truth is… Being single sucked. It truly did. Spending my weekends all by myself at my PC, being a third wheel at my friend’s outings, the engagement/weeding announcement posts on Facebook, the constant feeling of being too skinny, too ugly or too something to attract the opposite sex’s attention. Not to mention the pity looks that my friends and colleges were giving me just because i still haven’f found the ONE.

But besides the social stigmatization (and quite frankly isolation) one big thing that every single person experiences while being single is the emotional vulnerability of not having a significant other. You’re an emotional wreck, you’re lonely and you’re in big danger of having a blurred judgement if staying in this state for too long. Contrary to the popular opinion, not having a partner that you can love sucks. Despite what other BS Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha were trying to sell us. And it was BS. It was a lie. Perhaps it was the biggest lie that Sex And The City ever told. It was beautifully wrapped lie in shinny happy paper of false self-empowerment and independence. I bought that lie for a long time, but not anymore.

But hey… like Miranda said in the early seasons of SATC.

It’s all due to the wisdom that comes with my age… Am i right?