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There Are No Small Parts… Just Dumb Poorly Written Ones

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Ok, a couple of days ago I got to see Monster Hunter. Indeed. The Paul W. S. Anderson-directed, Milla Jovovich starring movie, that’s been long awaited among the fans. You know… The one that’s an adaptation from the Capcom video game franchise. And the movie is so bad that I think doesn’t even deserve a review. I’ll be bashing it all throughout the post, so I figured…. Why do that to you and frankly to me? We had enough of horrible things, horrible movies in this awful horrible year. So, let’s try a different approach.

Let’s try and spin this post in something else I noticed while I was watching the movie. A thing or two about writing roles, and how difficult it can be sometimes. Good memorable roles that every actor begs for. Which apparently Anderson is incapable of writing. There’s a saying in Hollywood (Stanislavski’s saying to be exact). There are no small parts. Only small actors. Well, that couldn’t be further from the truth. There are no small parts. Only dumb and poorly written ones. And there’s an abundance of those roles in Monster Hunter, but one particularly small one was really annoying me. Of how dumb and poorly written it is.

I’m talking of course about Steeler in Monster Hunter. Yeah, the soldier in Milla Jovovich’s team. Oh, boy. I have a bone to pick with Anderson about this one. You see, the actor in that role is one heck of an Australian actor called Josh Helman. He was already part of some great TV shows (Flesh and Bone) and some great movies (X-Men Days Of Future Past, Mad Max Furry Road…). Check him out. He’s really great. But over here in Monster Hunter, Helman gets about 3 minutes of screen-time and about 5-6 lines… He’s not even remotely memorable, and I have a problem with that. There are plenty of small parts with even less screen-time and even fewer lines, but they’re incredible. Which only attest to the poor quality of the script in question.

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Now, let’s compare that same actor and a different, but at the same time very similar role. Slit in Mad Max: Fury Road. He’s a war boy in Fury Road (he plays a soldier in Monster Hunter). Both of these movies take place in a desert, and both characters are fiercely devoted and loyal. Oh, and SPOILER: they both die in both of these movies.

But I digress. However, my point is that unlike Steeler, you remember a lot of things about Slit. A LOT! His, lines (He looked at your blood bag!), his appearance (his scars for instance) and his presence in general (he’s a villain in Fury Road). Yes. That was a small role but a damn good one. And you know why? Because it was a great, amazingly written role in an otherwise fantastic movie. You have George Miller to thank for that.GIF immortan joe - animated GIF on GIFER - by Bora

Steeler is the exact opposite in Monster Hunter. You barely remember anyone in Milla’s team let alone the details about those characters. And Steeler is no exception. They’re generic one-dimensional characters that served their purpose. To be extras in an otherwise glorified driving vehicle for Milla’s fighting chops. Not even a popcorn movie that’s so bad that it could actually be bad. It’s not and it won’t be I’m afraid.

In conclusion, some actors don’t even deserve such appalling movies. Or the appalling movies like Monster Hunter don’t deserve such good actors. However you want to spin it. Yeah, it’s a lose-lose scenario for both of them, and frankly the fans as well. Too bad this movie adaptation got into the wrong hands. A capable and dare I say it talented screenwriter/director could have worked some magic in the role.

Monster Hunter's Director Prefers the Film's World... Because of Its Giant, Lootable Corpses

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