It’s OK to be selfish Sarah!
I keep hearing that word. More and more as I grow older to be honest with you. You know what i’m talking about. Yes… Selfish. It’s coming from people who are saying that don’t want to have children, and from the people on the opposite side. You know… The judgmental assholes who pretend to be shocked as they contemplate their life chooses. It’s your call if you would like to be on any side of the spectrum, but I believe it’s OK to be selfish person. You know… Being selfish and choosing a child-free life. Just like Sarah Paulson admitted in her most recent interview (in Town and Country magazine to be exact).
“I don’t want to be torn… I don’t want to look at my child and say, ‘You’re the most extraordinary thing that ever happened to me, but also the death knell. ‘If I had only made the choice to just dedicate this time in my life to me.’ It’s selfish, but I think the word selfish gets a bad rap.”, she told the publication.
Let me tell you about my take on that word. For one I WOULD like to have children (biological or adopted regardless) but I do think it’s OK to be selfish. Her decision is motivated by the professional demands of her career, but there can be many other reasons for that. Financial strain, medical issues ect. It doesn’t matter. It’s a personal choice. This past summer, I and my fiancé went to a dinner party and an acquaintance’s house. I went out on the terrace for a fresh air, and there I found a male friend of mine. A very successful 30-something guy working in IT. Among the many topics we chatted about… I mentioned that I’m newly engaged and he immediately shared a sad story about his recent broken of engagement. He also mentioned that now, as a newly single bachelor, he’s being pressured by his family and friends to find a new potential wife, and start making babies ASAP.
-But the thing is… I don’t want to have kids. I know it’s selfish to think that but I don’t… he said fearing my reaction.
-So? I replied… It’s OK… It really is. It’s a personal choice. Don’t want kids… Don’t have any… It’s as simple as that.
He was taken aback and surprised by my reaction on the subject, but I noticed that word. That same word Sarah Paulson used in her interview. Selfish. Look, from that conversation I realized that childless men share the same stigma as the women, but they are perceived differently by the societal norms. He maybe will get of easy-er in the public eye than the women in the same position, but trust me that shame in him will take years to go away.
And in the end every time this selfishness comes along in the media (or in my life), and someone is called selfish for not having children… I’m reminded of Carrie Bradshaw baby talk in the last season of Sex And The City.
I wanted to become a writer… I made myself a writer.
I want a ridiculously extravagant and expensive pair of shoes… I will find a way to buy them….
Wouldn’t you think that if I wanted a child… I would have it by now?