Filmsane

All right now. I was watching the latest Mom episode last night. Titled „Lumbar Support and Old Pork“ the 19th episode of the 6th season really touched on some of my conundrums. Money. How to enjoy them without fear?

Bonnie’s fiancé Adam (played by the lovely and talented William Fichtner) is finally making some money from his bar and is trying to enjoy the money by treating himself and those around him. He buys running shoes and several hats for him, he stocks the fridge at the Plunket’s house with food and he even buys Bonnie a new car.

And there’s a nice little line in the episode that got me thinking. Enjoy it while it lasts. Hm…..The episode touched on something similar with me, and I’ve been looking forward to sharing it here on Filmsane. In the past couple of months, I’ve also been Adam. I’ve had a job in which I make a substantial amount of money. Never once in my previous working experience, I’ve got a paycheck with this much zero’s on it and I’m a little more relaxed. Most of my paycheck either go to my wedding preparation or to my savings. But I did splurge (I don’t know if that’s the proper word to use in this context) a little and I’m unapologetically not ashamed to admit.

I went shopping and bought nice things for me (a couple of dresses, some shoes and plenty of nice accessories). I also bought a new oven (the last one was broken beyond repair). And I also splurged on some fine dining. Treated me and Martin to a couple of nice dinners on several occasions. Mostly at Italian and Indian restaurants. But I didn’t go crazy and bought a car or something. Far from that.

And here comes the conundrum. I’m also Bonnie in this case. I’m constantly scared that it won’t last. Nothing good lasted that long. At least not for me. So, I’m always on the edge of my seat, biting my nails with worry that it might be gone in a second. I’m trying to be the best that I can be at my job, but from my personal experience, it’s not always important how good you are. Sometimes other factors come into play and I’ve been fired in the past because of a simple downsizing.

How do I bring myself to enjoy this money when that constant fear of losing it at a moment’s notice looms around me constantly? How can enjoy the money? How can I say to my self- enjoy it while it lasts? I’m not that frivolous and careless to assume that it’s all going to be dandy and swell forever. Yes, I’ll have my savings but the – Enjoy it while it lasts mentality doesn’t sit well with my own mentality. What if it does’t last?