Filmsane

Saturday Night Live cast member Pete Davidson joked on this month’s segment „Weekend update“ that his latest stint in rehab not only involved him petting horses, it cost him 40K in the process. But among the many revelations about his sobriety (after 8 years of drug abuse), Pete also revealed one funny yet accurate fact that really hit home for me. Sobriety is god damn boring.

“They say quitting drugs is hard and that is true, but what they don’t tell you is how boring it is. “Whoever said there aren’t enough hours in the day was a liar. There are so many hours in a day — 24 to be exact, did you guys know that? ’Cause I thought there were only six.”, The Staten Island native said jokingly.

But let me tell you. Everyone who’s managing any kind of addiction, or has quit any particular vice, knows there is no bigger truth said in those sentences. My drug of choice was alcohol and my „alcoholic career“ lasted for an entire decade. Brought on by a childhood spent in abusive household, alcohol (vodka in particular) was not just a social lubricant, but most importantly- was an escape.

Escape from the fights, yelling, beating I witnessed, and what became a coping tool, quickly grew in me becoming a functioning alcoholic. I had a job, friends, boyfriends, and my parents even noticed my decline in the last few years. Now, I never attended a rehab (I kicked the habit on my own), but what surprised me, was the crippling boredom I faced afterwards. There are enough hours in the day, that is true… but without alcohol those hours pass reaaaaaly slowly.

I started going to the gym (mostly for health reasons), I stared taking different courses and teaching programs, I got a part time job, and it wasn’t enough. Going to a movie doesn’t compare to a all nighter at a friend’s party or drinking at the bar. When you’re under the influence you’re a different kind of a person. Joyful, funny, witty, outgoing, talkative… I know that was the alcohol doing it’s job, but sometimes I miss those times. What I don’t miss are the hangovers, the vomiting, the nausea and the extra pounds I put on (by the liquid calories and drunk eating), but I miss me as an outgoing, talkative and silly drunk person. Pathetic isn’t it?

I’m happy Pete Davidson found sobriety. I sympathize with his struggle because I still have it on a daily basis. And it’s a struggle to be honest. Day to day battle with yourself and your willpower. But mostly I sympathize with his boredom, most likely depression and indifference after rehab. Myself (and most addicts) know those things all too well.

Do you remember the Trainspotting’s scene in which Renton (Ewan McGregor) sits bored of his ass in a pub, and in speedy montage of the world around him passes by really quickly while he sits perfectly still? That’s the closest explanation Davidson’s mental and emotional status right now. Nothing feels exciting, fun like it did while you were on drugs or alcohol. Everything is devoid of  joy, light and in slow motion.

All I can say (from my personal experience) is this too shall pass. Trust me it won’t pass quickly. The estimated time for normality, detox and fixing my brain on the right path took about 2 years for me. But with the right mind set, will power and support I’m confident Pete will do it. It’s just he will be rather bored in the process. Well, not as bored as the rest of us (he’s a wealthy American celebrity to be honest) but pretty indifferent.

Like I said… That too shall pass Mr. Davidson. One boring day at a time.