Mom And The Act Of Forgiveness
Mom really delivered this week. The eight episode of probably one of the best TV series on air right now brought back some bad memories for me, but it also made me reflect.
Well, the theme of this week’s episode of Mom was the return of Christy’s daughter Violet (Sadie Calvano). She’s apparently single and making money through a daily podcast. The content of that podcast is not making Christy thrilled, as her daughter is sharing all the horrible things she did while she was drinking and using. Don’t get me wrong. All of the skeletons in the closet are real, but frankly none wants to see them (or in Christy’s case be reminded of them on a daily podcast).
It turns out that Violet dos not forgive her mother for what she put her trough, and doesn’t want to mend and repair the relationship. Christy is obviously heartbroken, but respects her decision. You see, Christy’s ability to forgive her mother for the same treatment during the formative years was the whole structure of this show. Some people can work through their problems and fix them. Others like Violet can’t… But I saw myself in Christy this week.
I too held a resentment towards my father for the years of abuse that he put my family through. I spent a lot of hours on my shrink’s couch analyzing myself in order to forgive him for what he did. And eventually I did forgave him, but that road was not an easy one to walk. But after seeing this week’s episode of Mom, I finally know why it was such a long and painful process. The act of forgiveness I mean.
In Christy’ words… I focused more on the person my father was, and not on what he’s become. You see, once I figured that out, it was a lot easier. I finally found the courage to forgive him for what he did. And trust me. All the shrinks in the world couldn’t made me do it. But it’s a slow gradual process. It doesn’t happen overnight. I actually think that my moving out and living with Martin helped a lot. I think the distance brought us together more than I’d like to admit, but there it is.
But it’s good to forgive i think. And the process of getting to that place is not as important as just getting there and staying there. Trust me. It took a lot of effort, but you know what took a whole lot more effort? Being angry, bitter and mean towards him for all those years. It took so much energy and when I look back at it, it took so much time and effort to be in that state of anger. I focus on the person that he become now. He’s a changed man (for the better) and I truly admire that.
The act of forgiveness was in my case like climbing Mount Everest. It was a long and hard climb, but you feel the relief when you get there.