Blast from the past

Love Made Me Love Myself Again


Well technically the TV show called Love and to be even more specific, one particular episode from that show.

Let me elaborate. And back up a little. Love was (sadly it’s over) a great Neflix show that ran on the popular screaming service from 2016 all the way to 2018, in the span of 3 seasons in total.

It was created by Judd Apatow, Lesley Arfin and Paul Rust and had Rust and Gilian Jakobs in the lead roles. Love was centered on the two loners Mickey and Gus, played by Jacobs and Rust respectively. She’s damaged self-destructive soul and he’s lonely painstakingly shy nerd that’s just too nice towards everybody, which ultimately makes him a lovable and bit naïve doormat.

They find each other, and they’re attracted to each other, but their opposing personalities really oppose the union that is called Mickey and Gus.  Which brings me to my point and the theme of this post. I really related to Mickey. She was a self-destructive aimless person that was always on the edge of sobriety. Did I mention that I was always on the edge of sobriety? And in my drunken youth days I would always date loser after loser that seem to be leading me nowhere in desperate hope that anyone can love the fun drunken me. But the thing is… that wasn’t me. I was too harsh on myself. My confidence was decimated for the better part of my adolescence, I had horrible acne, no curves at all, and I was awkward neurotic loner that hid away behind big smile and a glass full of Vodka. Oh, yeah I punished myself with copious amounts of alcohol.

The booze was a memory whipping drug and a constant companion that not only dealt with my depression and anxiety, it made me a more fun of a person to be with. Or so I thought. And then it hit me. The realization that I was just a mess of a person. And you know what helped me get to that realization?  Love’s 5th episode of the first season. One scene from the Date episode in particular turned things around for me for the better and I’ll be forever thankful for that. The late night backyard scene in which Mickey is casually chatting with her neighbor Syd (played by Kerri Kenney) while Gus and Birdie are on a date. The topic of boyfriends and husbands somehow got them to the topic of sobriety and it’s around that particular scene Mickey praised Syd’s husband for wanting her to quit smoking.

  • That’s a good thing. He cares about you. I had a guy you tried to get me on heroin, replies Mickey.
  • Yeah, I dated a lot of them too- she said. But I didn’t meet Jeff (the husband) until I decided that deserve someone who was nice to me.

And just like that… That sentence triggered something in me. I became aware that I deserve someone that was nice to me as well. I deserve was the key word in this particular scene and frankly I’ve never been able to get that scene out of my head since. I watch that episode from time to time just to get my mental balance in check and to remind myself that I deserve someone who’s nice to me. You see, up until I met Martin (my husband) I never knew such thing existed. Someone to be nice to me (and vice versa). What’s even more interesting, I met Martin less than a month after I watched that episode. True story. The episode aired on 19th of February 2016 and we met on March the 5th.

Happy to report that I’m happily married, sober and depression free some 3 years later. My anxiety creeps in from time to time, but I try to mellow it out. But for the most part I’m happy and fulfilled person just because I decided that I deserve someone who was nice to me. So… Thanks Love. For making me love myself again.


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