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Indiana Jones 5: Spielberg Is Not The Problem. Everything Else Is


All right now. You’ve probably heard the news. Well several of them anyway.

Indiana Jones is about to start production in just a few months, and Steven Spielberg just stepped down from directing it.

That’s right. The fifth installment from the famous franchise will not be directed by Spielberg and in fact this will be the first movie from the franchise that won’t be helmed by the acclaimed director.

But is Spielberg’s leaving the project the worst thing that could happen to an Indiana Jones 5 movie? Well, no. Pretty much everything is.

Let’s start from the top. Spielberg, as good as he may be for the franchise, is currently busy with other projects. He just finished with the principal production of the West Side Story remake and the premiere is expected for the end of this year. The IMDB page of Spielberg even announced the production of The Kidnapping of Edgardo Mortara, his latest directorial project, which will reunite him with Mark Rylance. Much like West Side Story, The Kidnapping of Edgardo Mortara is a period piece movie and of course an Oscar bait type of film. Classic Spielberg am i right?

And according to some reports, he’s really done with making classic blockbuster movies (at least for now), and focusing on sappy corny „Oscar buzz“ type of movies. Which is why Indiana 5 is not on his agenda, sorry.

Director James Mangold is in talks of replacing him (the only beacon of hope that this movie will be at least watchable), but trust me. The lack of Spielberg (or George Lucas for that matter) presence is not the only problem that this movie has.

The other problem is Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. 12 excruciating years after the release of the Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, the fans of the franchise still cannot get over the fact how awful that movie was.Sure the movie somehow earned money, but when South Park mocks your movie, you best believe that your movie sucks. And Kingdom Of Crystal Skull suuuucked hard. So, i guess, the fans really don’t want history repeating itself, and for good reason.

While I’m on the subject of quality… Now in the Indiana Jones 5 movie, a special attention must be paid on the visuals as well, and on the quality of the script itself. The fighting monkeys in the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull were the least of the movie’s worries. The very poorly written script reeked of „They weren’t even trying“ laughable silly scenes and don’t even get me started on nuking the fridge scene. That one really insulted my intelligence.

And last but not least, by the time this movie wraps principal production, the main star Harrison Ford will be 78 years old. As in almost 80. As in oh hell NOOOO. Seriously. Enough is enough old man. Stop it. You’re gonna break some hip for the love of God. Why can’t Ford enjoy his twilight years doing some play or some boring family drama? As good as his physical shape is for a man of his age, he should really accept the fact that he’s been a senior citizen for more than 2 decades now. And that even the best trainers and doctors in the world probably won’t be able to reverse the age in his poor old beat-up body. I know it sounds mean, but it’s the truth.

I mean let’s face it. Tom Cruise is pushing 60 and most of the fans (myself included) are really pleasantly surprised on his physical stamina, but this is ridiculous. So, yeah. I’m not that helpful about Indian Jones 5. Disney is just milking it, and who knows that Indiana Jones 5 will even restore the franchise in its former glory? George Miller managed to pull it off with Fury Road, but he didn’t had the poor old and beat up Mel Gibson in the lead role. He had gorgeous, decades younger and very talented Tom Hardy/ Charlize Theron in the cast, and it worked like a charm. And he had a bloody good movie in his hands. And he knew what the hell he was doing.  You get the idea.

If you ask me, Indiana Jones shouldn’t even be made in the first place, but when the studio is so adamant on making it, let’s put some younger talented dude that could really revitalize the franchise.

Harrison Ford should be retired.


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