I’m A Sellout (And A Burnout)
Yeah that’s right. I’ve been absent in the past few days because I’ve been doing other work. I recently took on another job as a writer for a media outlet, and with the job that I have already, I kinda neglected my own blog.
And I feel ashamed and disappointed in myself, because in a nutshell, I’m a sellout. I sabotaged the future of my own product, my own baby, my own pride and joy for the sake of something that I don’t feel even remotely connected. And all because I get a lot more money out of it. I haven’t written anything in days because I haven’t got the strength and mental capacity to write. Even about the stuff I know and love writing about. I can’t even find the time to watch an episode of Mom for fucks sake.
It’s sad isn’t it? How quickly one person can sell himself to the highest bidder? And over here I’ve got something that I worked so hard to build and maintain, but I keep neglecting it for the sake of more money. And i’m burning the candle on both ends.
And yes, everybody needs more money. And I’m not the one who will turn down a paying job, especially because I’m prepping for my wedding and God knows weddings are expensive. We bought our wedding rings yesterday, and I will pay my restaurant’s down payment today. A lot of money will go for that but that’s OK.
I wanted to pay for my own wedding and I will persevere.
My relentless nature will not let me quit, and I just have to find a way to make things work. But I can’t help but feel like a sellout. Like I’ve sold my talent, creativity, time and effort to something that brings me no joy and excitement. Just money. Have you been in a situation like this? Tell me your thoughts (judgment free).