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Enough With The Virtual Table Reads!


Are you tired of celebrities this year? I never thought I’d say this but I am. I mean I’m the person who’d follow a celebrity like it’s my goddamn religion. With Tumblr fandom posts and everything. Yeah. I’m that kind of person. I’m the person who’d spend 6 hours on Reddit or Wikipedia whatever and learn 6846 facts about the upcoming Batman movie. It’s a time well spent I might add. But that notion is not only exclusive about the upcoming movies. Far from it. Nope. I’m happy to report that my mind has an extensive and endless capacity to store trivia about Jeff Bridges’s career in let’s say the 80’s. And I’m god damn proud about that as well.

But if there’s a period in which the celebrities have become insufferable is well. Right about now. NOW. Since this pandemic began, the celebrities (especially from the film and TV industry have become unbearable). And no, I’m not being whiny and petty. I’m being honest.

Aside from their moronic singing to raise awareness about the pandemic, their lame attempts at baking (you’re no Martha Stewart let me tell you that), and their whining about how they’re suffering in their multi-million mansions. No, I can put up with that for the most part. Hey, I can put up with their political nagging even. But if there’s one thing that makes my skin crawl is their virtual table reads.

Yes, I’m very well aware that the table reads existed before the pandemic. Every once in a while some celebrity would host a table read to commemorate 10 years of releasing some movie. And they would gather in a theater or someplace else, and they would read the script. I wasn’t a fan of them before, but they’ve become insufferable even more since they’re virtual. First of all, they’re occupying Zoom for no good reason. And secondly, there is no acceptable reasonable reason for them to be doing table reads in the first place. Stop if for the love of GOD. Yes, they’re plugin in their agendas (there’s a motive in them somewhere), and maybe some charities. But even with a decent motive like a charity, they shouldn’t exist. Period. They should just donate the money and stop the shenanigans. They’ll help more that way, believe me. This is just shameless self-promotion and desperate attempts to stay relevant on their part. Ya’ll wanna deny it, but it’s true.

Why oh why are there so many table reads? Scott Pilgrim cast did one. The Community cast did it as well. Dazed and Confused, Father Of The Bride, Princess Bride, Friends, Fast Times At Ridgemont High. And I hear This Is Spinal Tap is doing one too. Stop it. Nobody cares. And even if we did care, there’s no way we the regular folks could get in on one such table read. Again, those „seats“ are reserved for rich celebrities and media reps. If you want to honor the movie in question, just buy it. Rent it or go to Netflix. I’m sure it’s already there. Everything else is.

Seriously. Stop it with the table reads. They’re stupid and pointless. OK. My rant is over now. I’m off to watch Haunting Of Bly Manor. I will report on it soon. Stay tuned.


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