Filmsane

Today’s my birthday y’all !!!

Yes, I turned 32 today, and was bit of a milestone for me. It’s a number worth reflecting, and at the same time a great opportunity to think ahead. So, what the reality (of my life) right now and what the future holds for me (baby-wise)?

Turning 32 is truly a big thing for me, not going to lie. For instance my mother was married and already had me at the age of 32. And yes, I’m engaged to be married (summer of 2019) but in the last year (or two) I’ve become a baby starved woman and I’m not ashamed to say it out loud.

Has anyone else experienced this too?

I’m stalking my friend’s Instagram profiles for cute baby pictures, and heck I’m even doing that with celebrities’ babies. Every time I pass through a baby store and see all those little onesies, socks, strollers and pacifiers my heart aches. I just squeeze Martin’s head and say nothing, but I think he already knows what’s going on in my head.

And yes… We’ve discussed babies before we got engaged. He’s the youngest of 3boys and I’m the older of 2 girls. So, yeah… I’d love to have each of those in the near future, but right now we can’t afford it. Babies require a lot of nappies, baby food and special appliances that is just too expensive. I’m currently unemployed and it’s tough raising a child on a single paycheck in any household, let alone where I live.

So that’s the reality part of my post. But on the other side of that reality is the fact that I hear about pregnancies and babies on a daily basis. Every god damn day! From Meghan Merkle and the rest of the Royal family to Amy Schumer and other Hollywood celebrities.. They’re not making it easier for me! Trust me when you’re baby starved person, every single one of them pisses you off. You’re happy for them, but admit it… You’re a little annoyed that it’s not you.

And recently I started having nightmares about babies too. Yes, call me a wacko but I actually dreamed that I went all bat-shit crazy on random people’s asses and started snatching babies from their arms. How desperate and horrifying on my part, don’t you think?

But I can’t complain. At least I have a man with whom I can have them with. A warm loving and kind man that wants the same things as me. It might take us a while to actually have all of those things, but I’m happy that they’re on the horizon.